Vulnerabilitiy week, Team Ryan, here we go! Vulnerability to me, is letting yourself be exposed. You have to show the camera just what makes you vulnerable. The point of the week is to show that you can be a three-dimensional character rather than just a one sided individual. Nobodoy wants to see someone or something that is "over-perfect" on their television screens.
At the start of the week there was more girl drama between Taylen and Andi with Lyla and Emily stepping in. It's gotten to the point where I ignore it. I'm usually off snuggling with Drew in his bed in the morning anyway.
When we found out we were doing I Want to Hold Your Hand I was so happy! I love that song, ever since Chris Colfer sang it on Glee. But when we were choosing lines and Brandon picked the line that came after Drew's because he would be able to hold his hand, I was kind of puzzled. Like, it's not even a competition... Drew likes me. Not Brandon. I'm with Drew. Brew isn't happening. Dryan is. Sorry not sorry. I think Drew was amused. But it didn't matter. I go the belty line in the song anyway and that helped show off my voice and my vulnerability.
Chris told me that I have an amazing voice and I really connected during the song which really made me happy. I've gotten positive critiques from all of the mentors so far! It's just wonderful to see that these stars that I look up to have faith in me and my talent. I was so glad to learn we were doing Fix You. I love Coldplay and that's one of my favorite songs by them.
Talking about vulnerabilities with Erik was eye opening. You really get to see just who someone is when they expose their vulnerabilities to you. I guess I'll talk how I felt about everyone's stories. Alexandria's is inspiring. Even after all she went through, she still went to school, and had a job, and supported herself. She's so strong for that. Emily's proved my point from last week. She probably has the most heart breaking story of all of us, yet everything about her is super perky. It was refreshing this week to see that she dropped the act and actually opened up and was real. I respect her so much more now, and I truly consider her one of the strongest contenders here. Joy's my friend, but I was disappointed she didn't expose herself this week, really at all. But then again, that showed her vulnerability in my opinion. Her vulnerability is being exposed, and by not exposing herself, she showed her vulnerability. But still, that doesn't always get you far in a competition like this. Lyla's coming out story was relatable. I've been there too. Gray's seemed a bit far fetched for me. The girlfriend breaking up with you thing.... I mean it was high school.
I need a new paragraph to discuss Taylen, myself, and Drew. Taylen is one of my best friends at the house. She's so real and she's the head bitch in charge and I admire her. And when she opened up about her sister, I finally understood why she's so head strong. She wants to impress Karmen. She needs to impress her. And after years of dealing with living in her sister's shadow, this is basically the first time Tay has gotten to step out. So now she's soaking up the glory. I respect her for that. But sometimes, she should tone it down a bit. We're all friends here. My vulnerability is the whole gay thing... I've been bullied for it... one time this kid kept... touching me... and he said, oh yeah, you like it, cause you're a fag... It's hard. And having kids call your own mother a slut, just because she made a mistake when she was young, and that mistake was yourself... it hurts. But, Drew, when he told his story, and he started crying. My heart broke. I had tears in my eyes. In the dorms, I held him, I kissed him, I told him everything was going to be okay. I care for him so much. We layed in bed until we had to go to vocals.
Vocals were interesting. The different weekly themes allow you to change how you normally sing. So because it was vulnerability, I went for a strained, breathy, quality to my lyrics. Nikki loved it. She said it really conveyed vulnerability into the song. I'm making good choices in the studio. Consistently.
The video shoot was good. Everyone seemed to be doing well. I could tell Tay was trying to laugh off the emotional intensity of the day. And Joy just wouldn't keep her head in the game. But Gray, he was annoying me. I love the kid. He's funny, he's hot, and he's a nice guy. But be professional. Put a damn shirt on if the mentors say put a damn shirt on and don't interrupt shooting because you want to be shirtless. The whole thing was ridiculous.
Second called back baby! I've been in the top two for three weeks straight. It's a good feeling. I won't let it go to my head though. I have to keep my head in the game.
When Gray went home, I actually did shed a tear. It was sad to see him leave. Eleven left. Phew, one step closer to winning this.
Later that night, in the dorms, the mouse came back in the boys' room! We named him Jorge. But he's just a pest. It's disgusting. Some of the guys actually kind of like to have him around. I'm disgusted. And on top of that chaos, like three of the girls in the other room were arguing about something. I think they were fighting over Connor. It's whatever, I have Drew. We're in our own little world. Gosh I love snuggling with that boy.
Next week is all about pushing forward and not being easily phased by things that get in the way of you and your goals. Tenacity. Something I embody on a daily basis. One of my specialties. See you next week everyone!